I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
