I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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