My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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