it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my shit smells like andre
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
