dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
