I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
