can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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