They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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