3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
