I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
