I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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