You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
