I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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