I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
