i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
They took my balls.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
