Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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