i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
