I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize