Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
