dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
