matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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