i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize