Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize