Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
