Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
