Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Porn is love you can see.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
