She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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