she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
