I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
