I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
