woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So many bounce houses so little time
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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