peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Someone shit on the floor
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
