First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
