my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
