I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
