i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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