you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize