Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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