my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
