If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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