since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
