I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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