im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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