I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
