i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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