do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
