You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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