That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
