neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
