My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
