Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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