Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
