just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
