At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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