i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
