The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
