Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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