just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
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