i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
this will be a night to untag.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
