i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize