I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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