I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
