It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
