I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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