non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We need to feng shui this bitch.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
