he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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