remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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