okay pat passed out under dana's car
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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