I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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