yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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