So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
