hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
