oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
