worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
